Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
