I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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