I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
