So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
