I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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