shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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