I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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