i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
