he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
