that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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