At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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