We won't sleep together?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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