he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
