Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
