I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
