I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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