how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
