so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
