Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
