i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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