I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
