Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We had sex on a dog bed..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
