So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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