Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
