I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
