the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Enjoy the penises
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