Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
