I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
