he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
