I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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