No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
