Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
