shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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