I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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