using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
