I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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