some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
