I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
did you just send me my own nude
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
