she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
