He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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