she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
