Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
