Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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