Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
