Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
