My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
