I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
