how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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