It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
