wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
