you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
