Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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