Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
