guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
