The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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